Pennyhead and Hypertits
by Narcissistic.flower
Summary: "Only an Idiot would fall in love with me!"- Bella. "you're an asshole"-Bella to Edward, "Not an asshole darling, I'm a potential idiot"- Edward. Cannon pairings.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Penny-head and Hyper-tits**

**Rating: M**

**Language: English.**

**Pairings: Edward/Bella, Carlisle/Esme, Emmett/Rosalie, Jasper/Alice, etc.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, however, this particular fan fiction belongs to me.**

**Summary: "Only an Idiot would fall in love with me!"- Bella. "you're an asshole"-Bella to Edward, "Not an asshole darling, I'm a potential idiot"- Edward. Cannon pairings.**

**A.N- the whole hyper thing actually does happen to me. It's embarrassing really.**

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**Penny head and hyper-tits. **

**Chapter 1.**

"I swear, if I see that man right now, I will chop him into tiny little, put sugar all over it, and wait for the ants to eat him up" I rant calmly, yet angrily to Angela who was sitting beside me in the subway train. It was 2.30pm in the afternoon, and I was evidently pissed.

"It's okay Bella, I'll be over him. Dont stress over it, he's not worth it and-" she replies sadly, but me being me, cut her off mid-sentence

"Ofcourse he's not worth it! he's not worth you!" I get up and start pacing back and forth for a while before sitting back down on my seat and continue " I'll tell you what he's worth, he's worth my FIST! oooh, he will regret …EVERYTHING!…" I was so pissed off at that point, that I couldnt even think properly anymore, I slump back, cross my arms and question Angela…"do you think anyone would notice if he disappeared?"

she groans out loudly before rubbing her palms over face, "Bella! what on earth goes on in your head?" I just give her a look and reply, shaking my head and conspiratorially "you dont want to know"

"Why are you so angry anyway? he hurt me not you!"

I scoff at her "exactly! if some bloke hurt me, I could take it easily, because I wouldnt even give a shit! I'm immune to pain, you're not! and besides you being hurt means a lot of shopping, and I hate shopping, so double reason to hate him, pluuuuus, we made a deal in the beginning, when you guys started dating" I say all that in one single breath.

"wait….what deal?"

"oh, I may or may not made him a promise that he were to ever hurt you, I would physically hurt him, and I never break my promises, so fortunately, I do get to break his nose" I reply nonchalantly,

"oh my GOD! seriously! what the , why?"

"you know how you feel, when you look at a guy, and its like….love at first sight..or what is it you hipsters call it nowdays…yeah…lust at first sight?"

she looks at me confused "…yeah, I guess" she shakes her head "but what does that have got to do with anyth-"

"shhh, you never listen!, now hush and let me complete!….like I was saying, it was the same for me when I saw Mike" by now both her eyebrows were pretty much touching her hairline, "but except for love or lust, my douche radar was on high alert, and it was what I call 'douchebag at first sight' hah! genius, aint it?"

"….you know I always wondered how come you never had a date….I'm not wondering about that anymore"

"oouch, missy, right in the feels, and to answer your question….no…..you're wrrooooong, I've been asked out, I just say no, dating is stupid, i dont get the point of it"

"how would you know if you dont go on dates!"

"eh, too much of a hasle, i'm not gonna dress all pwetty and sssexy just to impress such potential asshole only for him to take my virginity and leave; you know, on the first date, both, the girl and the guy should be in their worst form, just so the date-ee knowsss what he or she is dealing with! because you always show the best of you, but the worst gets revealed when you're like…in a 5 year relationship or engaged or married, and then everything turns into shambles and then he cheats then she cheats then they break up, they cry, they hate each, and then they start dating new people, the whole cycle alll OVER AGAIN! jeessssuss, I'm tired just thinking about it!"

"what if you fall in love? what…what if the guy falls in love with you?"

I start laughing at that "only an idiot would fall in love with me! besides, I dont really believe in looooove, I mean I know love exists, I mean look at your parents and my dad and step-mommy, and me mummy and step-padre, even though he's like a decade younger than her, and he's sort of a jackass, they're still in LOOOOOOOVE, but Love is just not for me, nooope, it just doesnt happen to people liiiiike me."

"….Bellla….how many chocolates did you have today?" a crease forming between her eyebrows, as she leans towards me,

"pfffft….what makes you think I had any chocolates? I didn't have any chocolates! nope, none, zilch….or is it zilt? I dont even know! hah! zero….I didn't have any chocolates today….none at all, not even a single tiny one…..nope…..15!" I start leaning forwards and backwards which is my trademark sign of restlessness, all I wanted to do at that moment was run around scream.

Angela groans out again, much loudly this time, "why? you know you get hyper if you have more than 5 and you ate 15! "

"I WAS HUNGRY! DONT JUDGE ME!"

"NORMAL PEOPLE EAT NORMAL FOOD LIKE RICE AND CHICKEN NOT…BLOODY CHOCOLATES!"

"I KNOOOOOOW, BUT IT WAS JUST SITTING THERE, CALLING TO ME LIKE "BELLAAAA, BELLLLAAAA, LOOK AT ME, I'M SO SWEET AND CHOCOLATEY AND I HAVE NO NUTS AND NASTY COCONUTS! COME AND EAT ME" NO PUN INTENDED! BUT I JUUUUST COULDNT RESIST"

Angela was just sitting there, gaping at me, her single eyebrow raised at me, "what…just….wh….. I mean….huh? what the fuck was that?"

" I have nooooooo idea, but I'm preeeetttttyyyy sure I'm going to regret all this as soon as I'm normal again!" I start cackling like an evil bitch at that, no idea why.

just as Angela was about to say something else we hear an awkward single cough, we turn towards the source of the noise and notice that pretty much everyone in the train was staring at us, wide eyed, and one guy was recording us with phone, probably to put it on youtube,

I glare at that dude, who was a frekin giant, with curly blonde hair and blue eyes, I look at his phone, give him a big ass smile and tell him

"oi buddy, do you think that will make me as famous as that ….whats that chicks name?, Angela, what her name?" I turn towards her, she looks at me confused and embarrassed,

"I…I dont even know what is going on anymore"

"you knowww, that chick with big boobs, and an ass the size of an entire planet, the one with the sex tape….Barbarian? nah, thats not it, what is it?Presybeterian? noooo, wait…it ends with 'n'…KARDASHIIIIAN! how could I forget? anyhow, as I was saying, do you think this will make me as famous as that kardashian? so that I could get money out of having no talent whatsoever and yet get moooooneyyyyyy?"

the guys beside him start laughing as the blue eyed giant laughs out out "sure it will!"

"awweeeeesome!" I turn towards Angela as a quick thought enters my mind, " hey Angela, can you go out with a guy called 'Brad'? so that I could call you guys 'Brangela' like…'Brangelina'…just to annoy the shiiiiiiiiiiiz out of you!"

by now she has horror etched on her face, "that is it! we're getting off now!" with that she marches towards the door, and wait for the train to stop,

I look at the blue-eyed giant " tooodles mutha-f-" but then I look at a little kid sitting near by "f-flippin quarters….adiooooooos" and I march of the train, all the while begging Angela for a piggy back ride.

-0000-

**The next day.**

I park my car, and get out. Taking a deep breath in, I walk towards the enterance of the glass building. Yesterday's …events….had made me very tired, and anyways, after my time of hyperness, i always end up feeling low for 2 days at the most. So, today I had an interview with some big shot company, for a position of a personal assistant. It was only a temporary choice for me, I would leave after 2 years, that is if I get the job. I get tired very easily.

2 hours later, I was done with my interview, and I thought it went pretty well. Once I was out of the building, the first thing I do is remove my stilettos, which could possibly be capable of stabbing someone, and hold in my hand, I lose my top button of my blouse, and open my hair from the tight pull of the high ponytail that I was wearing, and strut towards my car.

But me obviously being me, and not paying attention to where I was going, crash into somebody…..s….somebodys and in plural form. Basically into 3 dudes, in fitted suits, and fall to the ground on my butt,

"woah, you okay?" I hear one of them say as he helps me up,

"yeah, sorry about that" I dust off my skirt and turn to look at the guys…uh…men; as soon as I do, I groan out internally _OH HELL NOO!_ all the while I was mentally banging my head on the surface of my car, but externally, I didnt look that ….angry I suppose….just constipated, hoping they didnt exactly remember me,

I just hide behind my hair and try to walk away, but noooo,

"hey, hold up a second, you forgot your phone on the floor!" the blue eyed giant yelled after me _SHIT, SHITTY SHIT SHIT SHIT. _I turn around walk towards him thinking I would just snatch the phone from his hand and run away…but noooooooo….there was no phone,

"the fu-….where is my pho-wait a minute, my phones in my pocket. "

"AHA! It is you! the girl from the train yesterday! Bella!" this time I do groan out loud and give them a stink eye,

"maybe I am, maybe I'm not" I reply snarkily, and cross my arms.

they give out a chuckle and the dude with somewhat long-but-not-so-long blonde hair, stubble and hazel eyes butts in "hey, I'm Jasper Whitlock" I look at him warily but shook his outstreched hand, he motions towards blue eyed giant "this is Emmett Cullen " who gives me a huge ass dimpled smile, Jasper, who then turns towards the tall, lean-but-i'm-sure-he's-all-muscley-under-his-suit-not-that-I've-thought-about-it guy, with brownish-reddish-orangish.._or is it blonde?- _copperish hair and blue-green eyes, "and this is Edward Cullen"

I nod in acknowledgement, "awesome, I'm Bella Swan….so now that I've introduced myself and you have introduced yourself, I'm going to leave and pretend that I never met you lot and pretend yesterday didnt ever happen, either that, or I'm moving to the himalayas and go throught extreme meditation to forget my past and bring peace to myself. adios." I say and walk away only to turn back and speak out loudly "hoooold the fuck up." they freeze on the spot and turn to me, I point my finger to Emmett "You recorded me yesterday. Did you really put it on youtube or some shit?" I ask

he laughs out loudly, "I won't if you dont want me to."

"I thought you didnt mind, after all you wanted to be as famous as kim kardashian" Penny-head asks with a smirk on his face,

"and here I was thinking you were mute, besides, whatever I said yesterday does not count as I was hyper"

"believe me everyone knows that, we all heard; but you know, you would put Kim Kardashian to shame, with an ass like that" he smirks even more,

I give him the deadliest glare I could muster, all the while blushing like hell; it wasn't the first time I heard that I have a big fit butt, but come on! "you're an asshole" I hiss at him, turn around once more and just as I walk a few steps away from them,

I hear penny-head "Not an asshole darling, I'm a potential idiot"

_huh?_

**woop woop, review? I swear, this whole thing just came to me on the spot. Hope you like it :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: Penny-head and Hyper-tits**

**Rating: M**

**Language: English.**

**Pairings: Edward/Bella, Carlisle/Esme, Emmett/Rosalie, Jasper/Alice, etc.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, however, this particular fan fiction belongs to me.**

**Summary: "Only an Idiot would fall in love with me!"- Bella. "you're an asshole"-Bella to Edward, "Not an asshole darling, I'm a potential idiot"- Edward. Cannon pairings.**

**A.N- A much longer chapter :) and please excuse and inform me of any spelling mistakes that I might 'ave made. **

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**Penny head and hyper-tits. **

**Chapter 2.**

_"Ra da da da da da da da circus_

_Da da da da da da da da afro_

_Circus afro, circus afro, _

_Polka dot polka dot polka dot afro"_

That's my ringtone, and it's currently ringing.

"'eylo, this is Isabella Marie Swan's, if you hear this message, it means I dont want to pick up the phone, or you're someone I'm avoiding. Especially if your name starts with "m" and ends with "um", or I've been kidnapped by time travelling cyborgs; speak after the **_-_**." _beep_.

"Hello , This is Benjamin Cheney, 2nd personal assistant to blah blah blah-" was the only thing I heard, because all I knew at that moment was, I had got the job; and now I was personal assistant to a certain . Now, I have no idea who the dude is; but rumour has it he's pretty freakin hot, and to be quite perfectly honest, I care a lot about that fact. NOT.

So after I get the news that I got the job and blah de blah, I ring up Angela,

"whatup mah homegurl? how is you doin today?" I ask her,

"Hey I'm doing good, just wearing my boots, are you ready?" she asks me,

"uh….ready for what?"

"Bella…are you in your pajamas?"

"….maybe"

"BELLA, I SWEAR TO FUCKIN JANE AUSTIN THAT I WILL DRAG YOU AROUND IN YOUR PAJAMAS IF YOU'RE NOT READY IN 5 MINUTES."

"…..Angela, I attended my university classes in my pajamas, you dragging me around in them won't really have any effect on me you know; but seriously though, where are we supposed to go?"

I hear Angela sigh on the phone and I was pretty sure that she was rubbing her forehead, knowing that I was speaking the truth. Afterall, she was the witness to my infamous pajama incidents. Yep, thats right, incidents. not incident. Incidents. Especially when I went with my yellow pajama pants with large green frogs all over it. It was awesome. Anyhow;

"Why are we friends again?"

"I have no idea, cupcake" I reply while taking a bite out of my vanilla cupcake.

"whatever, okay, so we are suppose to meet Jessica at her house in like 15 minutes; it's Leah's birthday, and there's a suprise party at some restaurant that I dont really know, so Jessica's going to take us there….wait, does this mean you havent got a gift for her?" she groans out,

"Jesus, what do you take me for? not you Jesus, I meant Angela, not you, anyhow, I bought her a gift like….3 weeks ago. I like buying stuff for others, and dont worry I'll dress up pretty today, it could be borderline sexy though, and I'll meet you directly at Jessica's place, adios"

I cut the phonecall without listening to her reply and get to work. Which basically was changing my shirt into a loose but somehow fitted grey v-neck shirt with 3/4th sleeves, black leather jacket, dark fitted jeans, and combat boots. Now, dont assume I'm all that badass with combat boots and smudged eyeliner and shit. Nope, the boots were actually a gift from my dad, and I got it like 5 years ago, and were still as good as new. They were precious to me, and I wore them whenever I could.

After I was done with the dressing part, which took me 5 minutes, literally; I got to makeup. Which consisted of just dark eyeliner, and chapstick. Done.

I pop some mint gum in my mouth, take my handy mini messenger bag; I hate purses, I dont like carrying stuff in my hand; and call the love of my life;

"LEMON! GET IN HERE!" my fluffy beautiful male cat, Lemon, comes in. Lemon, a grey Maine-Coon Cat and the love of my life, the laziest jackass I have ever met. I love him.

I remove some of his cat food in his cat plate, and leave his catty self with a kiss.

Oh and as for my hair? it was in its trademark side plait, because thats the only proper hairstyle I know.

I make way to my car, hoping to God that Jessica doesnt find anything wrong with my getup. Not that I care, it's just annoying to hear her rant about it. Ah, Jessica, the cute little bimbo. She's not a bimbo really, in fact, she's quite smart. Had gotten a degree in science, but ended up becoming a makeup artist because thats what she was passionate about. _I wonder how that feels…to be passionate about something._

Anyhow, Jessica is a very nice woman. She's 5'7, shoulder length, straigtened blonde-brownish hair with side bangs. She's nice, quirky and smart…buuuuuuut….she gossips alot. So I do have a tendency to avoid her.

13 minutes later, I'm ringing Jessica's door bell, 2 minutes later, after much of a commotion behind the door, it opens.

"Oh good, you're here, I thought you were going to ditch us or something" Jessica greets me,

"or something." I reply while giving her a salute wave. Getting inside her small but cozy house, Angela gives me a quick side hug and resumes fixing up her eye makeup that got smudged.

.

I was just sitting on the couch, watching some brainless t.v show, when I hear the sound of something heavy fall with a thud beside my feet….that were stretched out and resting on Jessica's coffee table. I look at it and see a pair of black stilettos, I look at Jessica and raise a single eyebrow, silently asking her "da fuq, dude?" though I knew what the answer was;

"Those shoes, are not invited to the party. Wear these." she confirms my suspicion,

I give out a loud exaggerated gasp and cover the sides of my boots as if I were covering my ears "shhh, dont be so mean, you might hurt them!"

she lets out a giggle and shakes her head, "come on Bella, just once, you can wear those shoes some other time."

I just roll my eyes and give her smile, "fine, but only because you said please" I shrug off my shoes and carefully keep at the side, and put on the pair of stilettos. They were pretty sexy.

Stilettos,they were my guilty pleasures, along with lingerie. Nobody except Angela knows that though.

Finally, the girls announced that they were ready, so I take my shoes and keep them in the car, while informing Jessica that I will follow her car with mine. Angela had decided to ride with Jessica since she hated my driving. She said I was too rash. _pfffftttt. Not rash, just…..fast._

-00-

24 minutes later, we had finally reached the restaurant. "Eclipse" was it's name. I take Leah's gift, walk over to Angela and Jessica and ask them, "Eclipse? what is this? a strip club?" both the girls let out a giggle at that as we get inside.

A lot of people were there, a lot of people who I didnt know. Infact, 95% of the people were probably strangers to me.

Angela and Jessica were chatting up with Lauren and Tanya while I was just sitting on the table, with my legs on the chair just day dreaming, when I hear my name.

"BELLA SWAN!" I didnt even turn to acknowledge him, just gave him a wave, he stands in front of me and pulls my hair to garner my attention; I swat away his hand "not the hair, Jake" I warn non-chalantly.

He gives the biggest grin known to mankind, the whitest grin ever that could make a blind man see light, that could light up a dark world, that could make Evanescence compose happy songs, that could make Natasha Bedingfield's song look emo, that could make- well you get the point...

"Didn't know there was a girl beneath those pajamas" he teases me, I gave him geniune smile and reply,

"how could you?, when your boobs are bigger than mine" I snort at my own joke,

"I feel so violated every time I talk to you" Jake mock-shudders. Jake is my bestfriend / childhood friend, 6'5, native American Giant, with black fuzzy hair and muscles that got him his nickname from me. Muskals-mahn. get it? literal pronunciation of muscles turns him into "muskals-mahn". i'm hilarious. I know. He's Leah's boyfriends for that past 3.5 years and he brings out the sap in Leah. ew, that came out wrong. ….get it? "came out" wrong?

"so…what did you get Leah?" I ask him, trying to strike up a conversation,

"you'll see" his eyes light up, and face contorts to a dreamy look. I stare at him for a second, and notice that he's dressed up all nicely, and he seems to be well groomed, a bit too well groomed for this party, AND he seems nervous,

"you're proposing tonight arent you?" I ask him rhetorically while resting my head on my palm.

He snaps out of his haze "SHIT! is it that obvious! fuck! fuck! fuck! dont tell anyone please!"

"dude, calm your titays. I wont tell a soul. I'll pretend I dont even know, okay?starting now"

"thank you so much! I'm so nervous about this though." He runs his hand through his hair,

"nervous about what?" I pretend not knowing what he was talking about as per my promise, he shoots me a grateful smile and looks past me. It must have been someone he was good friends with, cuz he practically skips past my table to meet up with whoever it was behind me. I dont move though, I just keep sitting like I was already. On the table, with my legs on the chair, my elbows resting on my thighs and my head resting on my palms.

"hey Valentine, get here, I want you to meet someone" Jake calls out to me; why did he call me Valentine? cuz I'm a huge Resident Evil fan and he thinks I'm alot like Jill Valentine. _well jeez sorry dude, I dont go around killing zombies with my boobs hanging around. _

Feeling lazy, i didn't move but reply " do I have to move, I'm very comfortable right now."

"your ass will get numb, now get here" Letting out a sigh, I figured he was right so I walk towards him lazily, while pushing some chicks out my way,

"Que?" I look at Jake who was hulking my 5'4 frame, I didnt look anywhere else, since I'm an introvert, I prefer looking at people only whom i'm comfortable with and not looking else. much at least.

"I want you to meet my buddies, Ben, Jasper, Edward and Emmett" as soon as he said that, I felt like…I dont know, I dont even know what that felt like.

I just look up at the cieling and whisper to God, _"why me?" _ and proceed to look at the three. But when I do, I was surprised to find Benjamin Cheney standing with the three of them;

"Bella! I didnt know you were friends with Jake! He always did talk about a Bella, but I thought your name was Isabella?" Benjamin shakes hands with me while saying all of that;

I could practically hear Emmett coming up witty comments in his brains though, so it was hard to concentrate on what was going on;

"I go by Bella actually, Isabella is too long for people like Jake to remember" I comment which earns me another tug of hair, I glare at Jake and give him an "eye-warning"

"how do you know each other?" Jake asks Ben who told him about my job and blah blah blah which Jake responds with a congratulations and an almost hug which he almost backs away from after noticing my stiff posture.

"Aren't you going to say Hi to us Bella?" Emmett pouts, I stare at him bored. There are a lot of things I've noticed in my life that others dont notice easily, like how my dad, Charlie, always taps his left foot once before getting off the couch, like how Angela always glances out the window once for 6 seconds while closing her curtains, how Jessica always touches her high heels shoes when sitting if she's nervous and so on. But one thing I do notice today is that, Emmett is running around like a naked child with long blonde braids and flower in his hair with big glowing blue anime eyes screaming "I KNOW SOMETHING YOU DONT KNOW" in his imagination.

"Hi" i reply in return, and give him a forced smile,

"dont tell me you know them too!" Jake squeels like a little girl who just found out that Justin bieber is camping in her backyard,

"yep" he doesn't even ask me how, he knew it was something I'd rather not tell after he saw my expression,

just as Jasper was about to say something, a very drunk Eric and a very sober Mike…not Angela's ex, that douche is Mike Saget, this Mike is Mike Newton, Jessica's boyfriend; join in with a loud….

"BELLLAAAA!" Erics slurs while moving in for a hug, which Jake stops by coming in between;

"WOAH DUDE! you must be completely thrashed! You know Bella doesnt do hugs!" Jake gasps, as Mike's face contorts to horror,

"yeah man, the last time I tried, I ended up with a black eye and a broken wrist" I groan at that

"That was an accident"

"I can understand a black eye, but …broken wrist?" Jasper asks with fascination etched on his face;

Realizing that this could trigger the three blokes to launch into a whole detailed revisitation of the incident, I divert Jake's attention

"When is Leah getting here?" which effectively causes Jake to forget about everything and scratch his head in nervousness,

"EVERYBODY QUICK GET READY! SHE'S HERE!"

they switch off the lights, which causes everyone to scatter around, I got pushed behind, forward and sideways by someone or the other, until I got backed up on someone's solid chest,

"Shit, sorry!" I whisper to the stranger,

"No problem" he whispers back and his breath fans over my neck, I realize that the voice was familiar, and his hands were on my hips, holding me into position.

Normally, I hate physical contact, they make me uncomfortable and trigger memories, but this time; nothing. I felt nothing.

I was completely frozen on the spot, not understanding what was going on, suddenly the lights switch on and everybody screams,

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" I can't see as I'm short as fuck, but what I do see is, that the stranger has long elegant fingers and he still has a tight hold on me. The stranger stands beside me and then I remember where I heard the voice before;

_"not an asshole darling, just a potential idiot" _

It was none other than Edward Cullen; he gives me a smile, while I just stare at him, eyebrows crunched together and my jaw locked. Just trying to understand what was going on.

Quickly I turn and walk away in search of Angela and Jessica;

after much of a search, I finally find Angela chatting with someone who's back was turned towards me, I walk towards her and wave in her direction to catch her eye, asking if it was okay to come;

she nods and grins at me; She quickly locks her arms around mine, the man she was chatting with turned out to be Ben,

"you know each other?" Angela asks Ben, who nods in return and proceeds to tell about me getting the job and shit,

"Why didn't you tell me?" Angela squeels, and hugs me, the only person allowed to hug me, I simply shrug

"it's not a big deal. I was going to tell you, but then I figured it's not important" Angela smacks my arms and huffs,

"Not important? and yes its a big deal! you got the job hundreds of people were denied to! and you're just 23! dammit Bella!" she pulls at her hair then comes close to me, grabs my shoulders and whispers softly, "this could be it. This could be what you're looking for" while looking into my eyes,

I roll my eyes and swallow hard, i put her hands down and whisper back "somehow…I dont think I'll ever find what I'm looking for" I turn around and decide to find Leah, give her present and leave. _shit, Jakes going to propose to her, I forgot about that._

"Leah! happy birthday! I would hug you but you know, I would probably end up breaking your nose or something" I joke as I wish her, I hear a cough and hear an unmistakable,

"_cough-_wrist-_ cough_" I turn my head towards Newton and give him a tight fake smile "you really seem to be missing your broken wrist, do you want it again" I warn him and turn back to Leah, who just laughed at our banter,

"oh I got this for you…" I give her her gift. _ Now, what does a normal person do when they have nothing to do?_ I ended up sitting on a table, with my legs on a chair, my elbows on my knees, and my iphone on my palm, with Jessica chatting my brain.

-000-

Hours later, after the cake was cut, the loud music that was thumping stopped abruptly, and people froze in confusion.

Jake was saying something, but I couldnt hear over the sounds of loud hoots and and chatter. But I knew what was going on, I walk through the crowd, knowing Jake would want me to be the first person to see it.

"Will you marry me?" was the only thing I hear before Leah ended up in tears and accepting his proposal and were currently locked in a deep kiss;

"DRINKS ALL AROUND!" I hear Eric slur,

I shake my head at him, surprised how he was'nt passed out already, and turned to leave, deciding to send a message to Angela later when I reach home.

I walk outside the restaurant, even though the occasion inside was bursting with joy, I felt empty. I felt numb. I walk towards my car which was parked at the end of the parking lot,

"hey wait!" I stop and turn around to find Edward walking towards me,

"can I help you?" I ask him,

"yeah actually" he breathes out,

I raise both my eyebrows in response wondering what could he possibly need help with,

"go out with me"

I stare at him, looking at face, searching for any trace of joke or prank or something,

"what?"

"go out with me…please?" he says again. much slowly.

"um….uh…" I was in a deep thought, thinking what on earth was going on, he runs his hand through his hair,

"will you go out with me?" he repeats, he steps closer to me, and closer and closer, until we were almost toes to toes. He was completely towering me. He leans forward and tucks a stray lock of hair that had fallen out behind my ear;

"I will keep asking you the whole night if I have to until you reply" he whispers, "will you go on a date with me?"

I lift my head up "I can't. Sorry, I don't date" is what I reply,

"One day Isabella Swan, one day, you will go out with me." He promises with a smirk, before leaning in and kissing my cheek softly and walking away.

_what the fuck._

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**how was that? thank you for the previous reviews :) 5 more reviews and I might update earlier. Not asking for much, just 5 :3**

**have a nice day/night.**

**adios.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: Penny-head and Hyper-tits**

**Rating: M**

**Language: English.**

**Pairings: Edward/Bella, Carlisle/Esme, Emmett/Rosalie, Jasper/Alice, etc.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, however, this particular fan fiction belongs to me.**

**Summary: "Only an Idiot would fall in love with me!"- Bella. "you're an asshole"-Bella to Edward, "Not an asshole darling, I'm a potential idiot"- Edward. Cannon pairings.**

**A.N-THANKYOU SO MUCH! for the reviews I mean, and also favourites and alerts :) Please alert me if there are any mistakes or such and do review! p.s- I dont know why, ff keeps deleting some of the words!**

**hope you like it :)**

**oh and this is the link for the clothes she wears for this chapter.**

/ bellas_first_day_clothes/set?id=52189960 (just type polyvore dot com at the beginning)

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**Penny head and hyper-tits.**

**Chapter 3.**

I could still feel my cheeks tingling from the sensation of the kiss. The way his breath felt when he came close to my face. I had stopped breathing then, and after his kiss, I struggled to breathe. Is that how Jordan Sparks felt? how does she breathe with no air?

But the kiss happened a week ago, and it was only on my cheek. I havent seen him since then, and I start my new job tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be back to normal by then,.

I roll on my side, hoping I could fall asleep, but being an insomniac, it's quite hard to do so. So,I sit up, I lay back down, I roll on the side, flip to the other side of the bed, I even try sleeping on the floor. But it doesnt work.

Finally by 4.23 a.m, I fall asleep. Too bad I have to get up by 6.30.

It is 7.20 am, and I have gotten up late, and I have only 40 minutes to get ready AND reach the office. _I'm fucked._

I quickly jump off the bed and head for the shower, 10 minutes later I was done with showering and brushing teeth and all that, and quickly put some clothes on, which consisted of a cream button down shirt with two black stripes at the button line, off-whitesh fitted trousers …thingy, brown blazer and black stilettos…thingy. Ok, so I have no idea how to describe clothes or what they're actually called, but, whatever. I can wear fashionable clothes. At times.

Quickly tying my hair in a messy, wet bun, preferring it to dry naturally. It may or may not be because I dont own a blow dryer. Or also the fact, that I dont like blow-dryers. Anyhow, I had 15 minutes to reach the office in time, so I quickly grab my brown-leather, mini-messenger bag, put out some food for Lemon, grab my apartment keys, and car keys and rush down to my car.

Driving like a maniac, I reach there just in time. At 8.00 am exact, I walk towards the receptionist calmly,she looks up at me;

"Good morning, I'm Gianna, how may I help you?"

"hey, Good morning, I'm the new personal assistant of mr. Mason, and it's my first day today…where exactly do I go?" I was truly clueless; just as she was about to reply, Ben comes through the elevator,

"Bel- I mean, ms. Swan , there you are. I'll take it from here Gianna, thank you. Follow me ." He instructed me, and took me towards the elevator. Once inside he pressed for the 23rd floor. I would be seeing for the first time. I had given the interview to Ben, as was busy or something like that.

We reach the 23rd floor and I follow Ben outside as he leads me towards my desk and shows me around a bit. He stops then,

"Okay , we are going to be seeing mr. Mason now, are you ready?" he asks me; I simply shrug my shoulders and nod my head. We walk towards the door of his office, Ben knocks on it, and asks me to wait outside while he talks to , after just a minute, he comes out and asks me to go inside.

I thank Ben, and bend the door's handle, quietly getting inside, I stand in front of 's table; His chair was turned around, and he probably was looking outside his glass wall.

"So, ms. Swan, are you ready to take a burden of responsibilities?" I hear him say, _What the fu-_

His chair turns around and he has a cocky smirk plastered on his face, but I don't give him the satisfaction of seeing me slack-jawed and all that, nope, good thing I have good reflexes, instead, I raise a single eyebrow and smile lightly,

I mean seriously, he must have planned the whole thing out, turning the chair around to reveal the evil mastermind behind the whole reason why Emmett was looking like he just got a blowjob but cant tell anyone because it was a dog that gave it to him. All that was missing was him smoking pipe and twirling his moustache.

"ofcourse I am " if there's one thing that my dad has taught me in life is that, when someone pisses you off, just smile it off. Kill them mentally, but smile on their face. Keep your friends close and your maybe-enemy so I just made that up, my dad would probably just remove his shotgun and shoot the fucker who pisses him off, but oh well.

but my reply to Mason or Cullen or whoever this…this pennyhead here is, seemed to have wiped the smirk off his face, but just as soon as the smirk goes, a smile graces his lips. Not that I am looking at his lips…no I wasn't, _I AM NOT LOOKING AT HIS…._

"very well then , please get me a cup of coffee from Starbucks, it's just across the street. Just tell them you need it for me, and they'll hand it to you." he really seemed to want to get on my nerves, what am I? his maid?

_why on earth did I apply for this job?_

"Just a question , will I be appointed these kinds of tasks only?" I ask honestly;

"That depends on how you do your job" I nod my head and head off to buy his coffee.

Crossing the road, I head inside starbucks to see a huge ass line, sighing to myself, I walk directly to the counter when a chick starts shouting at me from the line, " hey get back in the line! who do you think you are? you cant just directly cut the line, God, did your parents not teach yo-"

I turn towards her, and whip out a badge from my bag, "unless you want me to arrest you right here, right now, you will keep down your voice and stand still like a good girl." that seemed to shut her, so I turn towards the counter again,

"for mr. Mason?" The guy behind the counter quickly hands me the hot coffee, his hands were shaking and his eyes were wide, so I smile at him and give him my thanks.

You guys must be confused as shit, so let me explain. It's a fake badge that my godson gave to me as a gift. It's very convinient though. Most people dont even know what a real police badge looks like. Good for me. Because I do have a tendancy of whipping it out from time to time. Once a guy tried to mug me, I whipped out the badge, and pretended to remove a taser, and he was off running like he just saw a troll. It would really suck though, if a real cop was in there.

Handing Penny-head his damn coffee, he looks at me with his eyebrows raised, "not much of a crowd?"

I smirk at him and look him in the eyes "Maybe, maybe not"

he leans forward and takes a sip of his coffe and licks his lips…_no, I'm not staring._ "may I ask how did you get through the crowd so soon then ?"

I cross my arms and reply "only if that makes you go get your own coffee." I know it comes off very unprofessional the way I'm interracting, as he is my frekin boss, but I honestly couldnt care less. It's not like he was being professional himself so, what the hell. The worst thing that will happen is that I will get fired. and I dont care.

I thought me retorting with "only if that makes you go get your own coffee" would actually piss him off or something, but instead he laughs out loud,

"I'll let you keep your secret then; for now atleast, you will soon come to realize , that I have my ways of getting everything I want. Whether it be an answer, an object…or a woman." a cocky smile plastered on his face, I was honestly shocked by his confession …or whatever that was, but I held my ground.

"Good thing I'm not opposed to rebelling then, isnt it?" I smile, challenging him, "Is there anything else I can do for you, sir?"

It was like he suddenly realized that he actually was at his freakin job, and that he's my boss that he snaps out of whatever he was thinking, he blinks 2-3 times and clears his throat,

"please reschedule my meeting with the Volturi brothers for after 2 weeks, I want Michael Newton from the graphics department to present his idea to me by 12.00pm or he's fired, I want these papers faxed to this number, and please send Benjamin to my office." he says firmly yet quickly and proceeds to type something on his computer, I quickly turn around and hope to God, that I would actually remember everything he said.

I called the Newton guy, sent Ben to his office, and was currently faxing the pages. There were likw 27 pages that I had to fax, and I could probably give birth to 20 kids while these pages are getting faxed. It was probably the most boring thing on earth after Golf. and my shopping. and my mother's stories. I shudder at that. I would rather fax thousands of pages than hear my mother's stories.

You must be wondering what do I have against my mother, eh? well lets just say, she's like a combination of Kris Jenner, Courtney Love and Lindsay lohan's mum. I don't exactly get along with her. She left my dad when I was 14, when I was 17 she got pregnant. She has never let me see my younger sister, I dont even know if SHE knows that I exist. Apparently my mother didn't want my younger half-sister to be like me, she didnt want her to have a bad influence, so she kept her away. I was surprised when Phil, my douchey-step dad actually fought with her on that. But shit happens.

After I was done with the faxing, I hear the phone ring, I go sit in my chair and pick up the phone, "Hello, New-moon company, This is Isabella Swan, How may I help you?"

and so that's how my day went on till 6.30 pm. Honestly, I havent been this productive in 3 months.

Even though I was done by 6.30, I spent 15 more minutes in my office as I couldn't find my cell phone, in the end I found it in my back pocket, where I must have kept it unconsciously.

I step inside the elevator, but as soon as the door almost, completely closes, it opens again, and he steps inside.

"Bella" pennyhead nods at me, I raise my eyebrow, and nod back him,

"pe- Edward" I bite my tongue at my almost slip but remain composed; He removes his suit jacket and throws it on his briefcase that was kept down, rolls up his button down shirt's sleeves, losens his skinny tie and runs his hand through his hair…..he's trying to get a reaction out of me. But damn, rolled up sleeves, skinny tie, and I'm pretty sure that was an arm full of tattoos. Nothing's better than sleeve tattoos. Except when he's old and wrinkly then his tattoos will be all stretched and drooping. Oh well.

I lick my lips, suddenly feeling hot, and remove my hair tie so that I could tie it properly. But before I could tie it back, I suddenly feel the band getting snatched out of my hand,

"Dont. You look better with your hair open." he whispers, stepping closer to me. I was losing control and was completely blushing, I could feel sweat forming on my neck, palms and my face getting hot; before he could stand any closer, I put my hand on his chest and softly pushed him back, snatching back the band from his hand,

"I dont recall trying to impress anyone." I reply to him as I turn away from him and face the door, just before the door was about to open he whispers in my ear from behind me,

"you don't exactly need to try." As soon as the door opens I step out of the elevator completely overwhelmed and fuming; He must have realized that I was angry, because he followed me all the way to parking lot,

"Listen Bella, I'm sorry, I know stepped out of the line there, I apologize if I made you un-"

"Uncomfortable? that doesnt even cover it Cullen…Mason, whatever the hell your name is; do me a favour , go home and google personal space, memorize the term, because you certainly seemed to not know it" I realize that I am most probably fired, but I will speak my mind no matter what. He was disrespectful, he needs to know his place.

But his reaction was something I did not expect, I was half expecting him to call a bunch of large dudes in sunglases and earphones, to tie me up and lock me a basement, but no.

He laughed. He mother functioned laughed. _well, thereeee goes your job Bella._

When he was done laughing, he put a smile on his face, "It's actually Cullen, Edward Cullen, Mason in my mother's maiden name, I like to keep my personal and business life seperate so I use different last names. And I apologize for my behaviour, I must admit to you that I did those things as a test. You see my previous personal assistants ended up crossing some lines. I needed to make sure you would'nt be the same. People are definitely not what they seem. Again, I apologize." he sounded sincere enough,

so I just let out a breathe, still a bit uncomfortable, "it's okay. You apologized, and nobody's hurt; and you had'nt had any wrong intention, so it's all good." I reply giving him a quick smile, I turn around walking as fast as I could with my heels on,

"Oh and , that all may have been planned, but I did not lie about getting what I want, whomever I want. And I have my eyes set on this one girl. I believe she's the one for me. I saw her in the train once, I believe you know her well. Do tell her the date invitation is still open."

smiling I turn around to face him, while still walking backwards, I reply "I'll make sure to tell Angela that." I giggle, and turn back around.

Sitting in the car, I am shocked to realize something,

"I just bloody flirted. Oh shit. I giggled. since when so I giggle? oh shit."

somehow, we both always end up parting ways in the parking lot, with me always walking away. I wonder, if oneday, I'll be walking away again, but he'll be walking beside me?

"nah" I reply to myself and drive away.


	4. Chapter 4

**Title: Penny-head and Hyper-tits**

**Rating: M**

**Language: English.**

**Pairings: Edward/Bella, Carlisle/Esme, Emmett/Rosalie, Jasper/Alice, etc.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, however, this particular fan fiction belongs to me.**

**Summary: "Only an Idiot would fall in love with me!"- Bella. "you're an asshole"-Bella to Edward, "Not an asshole darling, I'm a potential idiot"- Edward. Cannon pairings.**

**A.N- I maaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy pr msy not be hyper right now. promise. ahahs./ i wriote it like a weeeeek ago, but forgot to apuclugh…publsih it, because of shitty internet connextionn. sorry gor any spelling mistakres. :) sorrrry fot suvh a late updaaate.**

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**Penny head and hyper-tits. **

**Chapter 4.**

It had been a month since I started working for Cullen/Mason, and so far so good. He didn't try to make a move on me again, in fact, he was just so busy with everything, that we hardly talked outside work.

Now, it's finally the weekend, and I'm busy watching t.v in my pajamas and getting bored as fuck. Just mindlessly flipping through channels, I settled for some cheap ass movie. They're always fun to watch. I got out a packet of cheetos and started munching on it.

Honestley though, if anybody came inside my house right now, they'd think I'm a couch potato…..which I am…but that's beside the point. The point is, there is no point to what I'm saying…I AM a couch potato, I'm just sitting on the couch, eating cheetos, in my power rangers tee, dinosaur shorts, wearing a single red sock with two white horizontal striped on it, and my other other feet of naked of any sock….my left foot is cold okay….and my hair just in its usual loose, messy, plait.

So, I'm munching on my cheetos, my legs propped up on the table while I'm watching t.v, and not to mention, bored as fudge. That's when I hear my door knob moving, Lemon was on high alert, just staring at the door with full concentration. I could hear someone whispering from behind the door, and the door finally opened. By now I was standing…okay leaning against the wall sideways, eating my chips waiting for whoever it was, to come inside.

I was completely nonchalant. If it was some robber, Lemon would just take care of him, if it was the landlord or someone like that, I'd let him know I'm still alive, and if it was Angela, I'd pretend I'm dead and dont need to go outside to be "socially active".

The door flings open, and VOILA! Angela it is! "dammit! why are you standing there like that Swan! you scared the shit out of me! atleast switch on the lights for God's sakes!" oh….yeah…I forgot to mention….I didn't even switch on the lights. I'm THAT lazy.

I make a weird noise along the lines of "meeehhhhhhh" and shrug my shoulders while popping in some cheetos in my mouth. Still leaning against the wall, I let out a loud yawn,

"not that its not great to see you, but why are you here?" I ask, Angela shrugs her coat on the couch, "And, were you talking to yourself or something behind the door?"

she gives me a stink eye and rubs her eyes, "I was on the phone, and I need to talk to someone who's not going to be judgemental and biased and …I dont know, you seem like the perfect person to …just…FUCK! I JUST NEED TO TALK!" she yells, pulling on her hair and flips herself onto my bed,

I was frozen on the spot, I had never seen Angela so frustated in my life "if you really really want to go all bald like that kanye west's ex, then I could shave it off for ya, no need to pull it from the roots."

she whips her head towards me and tries to scowl, but ends up giggling instead "why cant you just let me stay angry?" she whines and gives me a big pinch on my leg, I smack her arm and flop down on the bed beside her;

"so what is it?" I ask even though I was almost sure why she was here, she bites lips and rubs her eyes.

" It's hard to explain, I mean, I only just broke up with Mik-"

"Angela"

"but I don't know if I'm rea-"

"Angela"

"It's just, ugh, I dont trust any guy now beca-"

"oh Fuck off man, get to the point. dont frekin beat around the bush, you know I hate that. So, Ben asked you out?"

"wha- How on earth do you get that from whatever I've said till now?" she screeches, I huff out a breath and start fiddling with my phone,

"okay, so why are you acting all douchey?"

She immediately sits up and rolls me over to the edge of the bed, and then pushes me down, I glare at her but dont say anything, instead act like I'm not bothered by her action, which I'm not.

she takes out my hidden stash of chocolates from under the pillow and starts chewing on then, I immediately reach out for it, but she pulls away, so instead of getting all jittery, I act non-chalant,

"will you just continue?"

"you wont let me" she says with her mouth full, she swallows the chocolate, then replies "Ben asked me out"

I give her my best _are you shitting me _ look "and how was that any different than me asking me you, did Ben ask you out?"

she wrinkles her nose "whatever….how did you know anyway? what are you? a psychic?" she snorts,

"not a psychic, an intuitionist."

she raises her eyebrows "what the fuck, is an intuitionist?"

"where my intuition is my sixth sense, and answers all my questions for me." she looks at me like I just lost my mind, which I probably did, but what the frick do I care?

she shakes her head "anyhow, I dont know what to do, I'm just so confused!" she whines out while taking a bite out of MY chocolate.

I frown at her but remain calm "do you like him?"

she looks outside the window "well, I mean he's cute, and nice, and polite, and he has such a adorable smile, and his hair is so soft, I mean, its just so… i dont kno-"

I groan out, "A simple yes or no would suffice, thank you very much."

she blushes and bites her lips while nodding her head.

"okay, so you like him, and he likes you…obviously, since he was the one to ask you out and all, so I honestly dont see any problem here"

" The problem is, what if he's not the one? I mean I just broke up with Mike, and I just..what if he hurts me too?"

"well…what if he doesnt? which reminds me…I yet have to fulfull my promise to Mike, okay back to you, listen I know Ben, do you think I would let him approach you if he was even remotely not good enough for you? I know that he has liked you since you guys first met, and honestly, Mike was always such a dickhead, and I've always told you that…I made sure you knew that, but people dont really listen to me until they have suffered which is all good, because you learn by your pains and mistakes, THE POINT IS, say yes. Ben is a good guy, and its not too soon, because you cant say you have to get over Mike since you just broke up, he never had you to begin with. But, even though you are pretty shit at making decisions, go out with him when you're ready. and when you do, please, dont sleep with even after the 3rd date, and I'm not saying that because I dont believe in premarital sex; because if a man likes you, really likes or even loves you; he WILL wait for you. You need to be sure its just not the physical intimacy he's after. and dont forget, it goes both the ways."

She remains silent as I finish ranting. After waiting for what seemed like hours for some damn response, the only response I got was her tightly squeezing around my arms and whispering her thanks. We both laid back down at the bed and stare at the ceiling;

after a few minutes she whispers, "why are you single?"

"because I dont date"

"hmmm…..any guy caught your eyes"

"why? wanna warn him about me?" I joke

she looks at me strangely, "why? whats so wrong with you?"

I just snort and shake my head, she looks back up at the ceiling "so….no guy yet….no one with copper hair, and green eyes, quite tall, sharp jaw-"

"Escort yourself out, or sleepover, eitherway, goodnight Angela" I reply, taking my pillow and coverin myself with it.

"Maybe, you have found it" was all I hear before falling asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**Title: Penny-head and Hyper-tits**

**Rating: M**

**Language: English.**

**Pairings: Edward/Bella, Carlisle/Esme, Emmett/Rosalie, Jasper/Alice, etc.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, however, this particular fan fiction belongs to me.**

**Summary: "Only an Idiot would fall in love with me!"- Bella. "you're an asshole"-Bella to Edward, "Not an asshole darling, I'm a potential idiot"- Edward. Cannon pairings.**

**A.N-okay, so I'm sorry for the shitty update for the last chapter, hope this makes up for it :) **

**Penny head and hyper-tits.**

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**Chapter 5.**

I wake up to find myself feeling hot and suffocated, I slowly open my eyes and see mr Lemon sleeping on my a brilliant mommy that I am, I throw him off me, and cover him up with my blanket. Figuring that Angela probably left earlier this morning, I get up for my usual morning business.

45 minutes later, after I was done with my shower and everything else, I put on some clothes. You guessed it, "comfortable clothes", for the win!. Not like I'm getting out of the house anytime soon. okay, so I still wasnt dressed, I like roaming around in my towel for a while after I'm done with my shower, so I simply just lay out my power rangers t-shirt, and Arsenal shorts, and just run a comb through my hair. Since I HATE blow-drying, I obviously just opt the au-naturale way to dry, which basically means, towel it off, leave it open, work through the tangles, and it will sort its own shit. No big fackin fuss.

It took me literally like 3 minutes to comb through my hair, which fell all the way till my lower back, I figure I have time to kill. Because I have nothing to do all day, so I simply head to the kitchen to get me some chai (tea) that I always crave and love with all my heart and soul. entering the kitchen, I was surprised to find Angela sitting there drinking her coffee. Okay so maybe I wasn't that surprised, I just wanted to sound normal.

"Whatsup duckface, I thought you left already"

"well, you thought wrong. I've decided to spend the entire day with you! spend some girly time together" she squeals out, I freeze on the spot, and slowly turn towards her.

"I'd rather stay home and do nothing, thank you very much."

"but it'll be so much fun! come on Belly, just do this for me!" she pleads, more like whines but what's the difference anyway,

"I would say yes, but I'm going to go with no, because I have a feeling that there's more to you taking me out than you letting me on….oh, damn, I just realized something"

Angela sits up straight at that and asks "what? what's wrong?"

"I'm not wearing any underwear!" I reply and laugh out …okay, cackle out loud at her expression, I put my cup down and head to the room to put my clothes on.

A few minutes later I find Angela in the same place as I left her, as soon as she see's me entering, she gets up from her seat and stands in front of me,

"okay, how about this, you go out with me today, and I get to do whatever I want with you, and take you wherever I want to take you, and I will go to the riverside amusement park with you, today itself, and sit with you in every ride you want!"

wow, that was a huge deal. Angela HATES rollercoasters, it'll be fun to watch her piss her pants.

"okay, fine. But, just one question though" I give my reply as I sit back on my couch, and prop my legs up on the coffee table, while switching the t.v channels;

"shoot it" she squeals out like a guinea pig as she sits down beside me, with her legs tucked under her, and she bouncing up and down.

"I find it strange you know, how you want to dress me up today and do everything you want me to also today, and at the same time promising to go to the amusement park with me today. What is cooking inside that dandruff infested head of yours?"

she gasps and touches her hair, "I do NOT have dandruff anymore! and I was just trying to be a good friend, if you don't want to go, just say so! you don't have to accuse me of being all-" she huffs out and starts hitting me with a pillow,

"I try to do something nice for you and this is what you say to me?! you know what, FINE, stay home and….and…ROT, yeah that's right! ROT! don't ever come out of this…this…FUCKING BAT CAVE OF YOURS!" She gets up, wears her shoes, opens the door, and slams it shut.

I let out a huge sigh and rub my head, only one question running through my brain…_ do guinea pigs squeal?_

_-00-_

20 minutes and Angela's not back yet, she's probably at her home…sulking. Or plotting. Either one of those. But I decide to give her a call anyway, not that I feel guilty, because I don't. I just suppose it won't be that bad whatever she has in her metaphorical bag for me.

I pick up my Iphone and call her, 3 minutes later she pick up,

"If you're calling to apologize, then apology not accepted, in fact you can go FU-"

I cut her off "such beautiful words out of such a beautiful lady"

"Bella, I swear, I'm absolutely pissed off with you and you're not helpin-"

"yeah, I'm going to cut you off again, because I don't really care if you're pissed. All I wanted to say was, okay, I'll do it, whatever you want."

I, however, get no reply, I check me phone to see if she cut the call or something, but before I could do that, lord have mercy on my eardrums. She squeals again.

"JESSICA ! SHE SAID YES!" what the fuck?

"calm your tits, babe, I didn't agree to marry you" she responds by laughing,

"THIS IS GOING TO BE AWESOME!, just do one thing, take a shower and meet us up at the hair saloon"

"what? HELL NO, no one is touching my hair! my hair is an uncharted territory!"

she groans out and murmurs something under her breath but agrees,

"fine, I guess your hair's not too bad anyways, just meet us at the spa then, 15 minutes Swan, bye!"

I have a feeling, I'm so going to regret this.

"OUCH! MOTHERFUCK! Easy woman! those are my fricking eyebrows!" I whisper-scream out to the lady who was busy threading my eyebrows.

By now, I have been waxed everywhere, and when I say everywhere, I mean EVERYwhere. And I can bear those pains. I have high threshold for pain.

But damn it, my eyebrows are sensitive as hell. They are my weakness. They are not to be messed with.

I have been in the bloody spa for the past 2 and half hours, and I am dying.

I highly doubt we'll be going to the amusement park, since it's like 3.45 pm already. But I honestly don't even feel like anymore. Besides I highly doubt my vagina would agree with the roller coaster today.

15 minutes later we were all done, so we leave the spa and walk down the street.

"guys, where the fuck are we going?" I ask them as nicely as I possibly could muster

"To the new dress boutique down the street, I've heard it's amazing!" Jessica says while hugging me side ways, I give out a loud groan, and give them a stink eye.

We walked for another 10 minutes until we were standing outside a beautifully decorated shop called …well I don't know what it's called, they rushed me inside before I could see the name.

The interior's pretty darn awesome too, they both nudge me towards the dress racks to browse through the dresses,

I keep flipping through dresses after dresses, not that they weren't good or anything, but because they were either too short, or the color wasn't my liking, or too low-cut, halfway through browsing another rack I hear a voice behind me.

"Can I help you with anything?" The voice seemed very familiar, I quickly whip around, and my suspicion was confirmed.

"Alice?"

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**yeah okay, it's not that big, I apologize, I however have an announcement, I'm putting up another story by tomorrow, and I will resume updating this as frequently as possible. Pardon my errors and sorry if you don't like it. But your opinion is your own. Have a great day! :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**A.N- I know it's short, but it's hard to come up with something remotely "readable".**

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**Penny head and hyper-tits. **

**Chapter 6.**

"OH MY GOD! BELLA!" Alice screams out as she jumps forward and envelopes me in a tight hug. I'm not much of a hugger, so I simply and awkwardly pat her back in response. After some hours, or seconds, I dont know, it seemed very long to me, she releases me from her tight clutches, "oh my God, oh my God, you're here! in front of me! like you're really here!" she chokes out and starts crying. I groan out, another one of my awkward weakness. I don't like it when people cry.

"why are you crying?" I ask her as she put her hand on her mouth while choking on …well her tears. At least I think she is, hopefully she's not choking on gum or some shit. I offer her some tissues that I had kept in my pocket, as she carefully wipes her eyes and nose and gives me a wide smile, she lets out a breath and tells me,

"crap, sorry about that, I was just so overwhelmed with..EVERYTHING, God, look at you! you've become so tall! and so..so, just! I don't know!" she starts crying again, I bite my lips trying to figure out how to respond,

"I hope that's a good thing…and I've not grown an inch since I left, Marice." She slaps my arm while giving out a huff;

"Stop spoiling my name! and you're taller than me, so be grateful!" I smirk at her because…well..it's true. Mary Alice Brandon is…for a lack of a better word…tiny. She's 5 feet nothing, but you don't really notice it unless she's standing next to you. That's because then you won't be noticing her at all! hah! but her height suits her, she's like this petite, fragile …..pixie? I don't know, man. Anyhow, she's got long black hai- oh wait…what?

"the fuck happened to your hair? where has it gone?" I ask her as I start messing her hair...If I did it intentionally or not…you'll never know. She lets out a squeal and slaps my hand quickly turning towards the mirror and combing through it. She turns back towards me and opens her mouth,

"Isabella Swan! you know better than to mes-" She's effectively cut off by Angela and Jessica who walk towards me with piles of dresses in their hands,

"Bella, did you find anything you want to- OH! hey Alice!" za fookh? I raise my eyebrows at Jessica and Angela who are awkwardly hugging Alice through the piles of dresses in their hands, all the while laughing and giggling at God knows what,

I give out a deliberate sarcastic laugh "isn't this nice, all of us..old school friends…here…such a co-incidence…except, only 2 of us were school friends and the other 2 are suppose to strangers to my old school friend, so BASICALLY, can someone just explain to me, how do you know each other?" Shopping has evidently taken it's toll on me. Don't judge me.

"Remember I told you about meeting this awesome girl who helped me pick out a dress for this party when I was in Paris with Jessica a year ago?" I just give her a blank look,she glares at me in return,

"you didn't pay attention did you? anyway, we met there, she told me she was opening a shop here, so we decided to come check it out! wait, how do you guys know each other?" Angela asked.

Alice looks at me and speaks softly "she's my hero."

**3rd persons pov**

_7 years ago. (2005)_

_Swearing at the the blaring alarm clock, Isabella Swan rolls off the bed and shuts off the obnoxious device. She checks the time and waddles to the bathroom while removing her shirt. She was already 10 minutes late to school, rushing through everything won't get her there any earlier. Her father, Charlie Swan had already left for work and her mother was out on another "business trip". She knew very well what exactly went on those trips, but she never voiced her thoughts. Ignorance was bliss at the moment. Things were crackling as it is, no need to ignite the fire._

_After brushing her teeth, using the toilet and taking a shower, Bella comes out and puts on a loose grey shirt,and a green zip up hoodie on top, and a pair dark jeans. Grabbing her bag from the corner of the room, she puts on her black socks, puts on a cap, and leaves the house. Arriving at the school in her beat up truck, she drags herself to her english class. It was the second class of the day, as she was too late to attend the first one. Entering the class she ignores everyone and sits right at the back, in the corner side, and slumps down on her seat, hiding herself from everyone. Bella had this strange habit of observing everyone around as slyly as she could. She was fascinated with people's strange behaviour, the way they talk, whom they talk to, how they act and so on. She could easily tell apart the liars from the honest. Living with a liar made her good at knowing the truth._

_Everything was the same like always, Felix was acting loud and hyper while talking to his friends, his hands though, told another story. Constantly balling it into fists and releasing it, then fidgeting with his rings, and giving out a loud laugh, while drifting his eyes to Jane. To everyone else, Felix was just another popular funny guy, but Bella knew better. He was just another act. A good guy, with a good heart, but it was the commitment to himself that he lacked. He couldn't face the rejection. The only reason he cracked joke and acted stupid and loud around everyone was to gain Jane's attention, who always just ignored rolled her eyes in response. He was always conscious of her, and nervous because of it. What he didn't know was the Jane constantly rolled her eyes to seem immune to his stupidity, when in reality all she wanted to do was to be with him. How did Bella know this? for starters, her eyes always seemed to be searching for Felix, the corners of her mouth are always fighting a smile, and she always found an excuse to touch him. She was a nice girl. "why don't they just fucking asking each other out?" was what Bella always wondered. But she knew the answer to that too, the only reason she didn't acknowledge the answer was because she couldn't be assed about it. She didn't care for cliques or groups. You see Felix was popular, but Jane was the hard-to-get virgin nerd. Their friends just wouldn't accept them._

_Then there was Courtney, always caked up in makeup, always avoiding the mirror. Poor girl was so insecure she couldn't stand to even look at herself. How she did her makeup was a wonder to Bella. Or maybe that's why she was such a cakeface. But Bella won't judge. Everyone has their own weaknesses. _

_Next was Joe, the skateboarder, so far inside his closet, he has probably found Aslan in there and is drinking tea with him. _

_Everything was just the same. Everyone was just the same. But she noticed one thing different. One person different. One person who was new. She seemed short and was definitely thin. Her hair was long and dark with bangs, and she had a bit of makeup on . Judging by her clothes, she was probably rich, and different. She sure did have a unique style in had a bright yellow headband on her hair, just behind her straight bangs. A cream coloured puffy sleeved shirt with a blue lace bow-tie on the collar, tight yellow skinny jeans and polka dotted lace blue shoes. Her backpack had polka dots on it was definitely unique was what Bella had decided, as the type of clothes she was wearing was definitely unlike something she'd seen before. She decided that it wasn't necessarily bad. Alice also looked rather shy. She had her head down and was busy scribbling something into her purple book with a fuzzy pink pencil. Before she could evaluate more of that girl, mr Banner entered the class. _

_10 minutes later mr Banner's eyes fell on Alice and he jumped "OH! class, I almost forgot, we have a new student in our class, Mary Alice Brandon, come up here and introduce yourself" he encouraged her. Looking at the teacher with wide eyes, she kept her book and pencil aside and walked to the front of the class while awkwardly scratching her arm, Bella glared at mr Banner. She hated when teachers forced the students to introduce themselves._

_"um..hey..I'm Alice. and I just moved here from Chicago." she says softly and runs back to her seat. Mr Banner then continues on with the studies. _

_the day dragged on until it was break time. Bella bought herself an apple from the cafeteria and started on her way outside the school building. She prefered to eat in her truck, while reading a book. But on her way to her truck she stopped on her tracks,_

_"what is it? is daddy's little girl afraid? ever looked in the mirror? such a freak! what with the yellow? who do you think you are?" came the raspy voice of Gianna who cornered Alice against the lockers along with her fellow bullies, Claire and Stella. They all mocked Alice, Bella was about to walk away, not wanting to get into any trouble, figuring that if she saw it again, then she'd make a move, but then she froze._

_She heard a muffled sob. She could see the tears slipping down Alice's cheek, as most people in the hallway started laughing. The others looked at her with pity. Balling her hands into a fist, Bella walked over to Alice who had slid down against the locker, covered her ears, and closed her eyes shut as she cried quietly. She stood in front of Alice, facing the three bullies, making sure to cover Alice from their site as much as she could;_

_"okay, woohoo, she's crying, you've done your job, go away now" she said dryly as she glared at them, Claire took a step back, while other two glared back._

_"why are you taking her side Bella? she's such a freak! just look at her clothes!" Gianna complained, Bella let out a tired breath and massaged her temple with her fingers,_

_"I really don't give a shit. Now, back off." She said in a low but firm voice; but it had no affect on them whatsoever, Gianna moved forward and towered her with her 5'8" frame,_

_"why? what'cha gonna do? go cry to your daddy and ask him to arrest us?" there was a crowd forming around them now, but Bella kept her calm while staring up at her nemesis._

_"this won't get you arrested, but I will tell him about your stash, now that will definitely get your ass handed to you" Bella smirked as Gianna's cunning smile fell. Suddenly she pushed Bella aside and stomped over to Alice who had now stood up and was leaning against the locker. She snatched Alice's bag away from her hand and threw it on the floor, scattering all the items inside, including tampons, then she grabbed Alice by her hair and pulled her forward, _

_"See what you've done now? you caused all this shi-" but before she could complete her sentence Bella had spun her around, causing her to leave Alice's hair out of shock, and slammed her against the locker, leaning her face closer to Gianna's, she whispers,_

_"I don't give a fuck if we're cousins Gianna, I won't hesitate to hurt you. I'm asking you one last time, stop bullying everyone. Please. Don't make me do something I will regret later. Please" She looks her straight in the eyes while trying to convince her to stop. When Gianna blinks back tears and bites her lips hard, Bella releases her and helps Alice pick her things up from the floor, noticing that Alice was still crying silently, she hands her some tissues that she had in her pocket, gets up from the floor, and offers her hand to help Alice up, who immediately took her hand and gave her a teary smile while whispering a thanks; they both were just walking away together when suddenly_

_"You can't just talk to me like that!" comes the shrill cry of Gianna, who spins around Bella and moves her arms back, ready to punch her._

**_BOOM. sorry for late update. No excuses, just needed to think of a proper way to write this chapter. I actually wrote it twice, but it was pretty shitty. so I hope you like this one :)_**


	7. Chapter 7

**A.N- This is super duper quick update, isn't? yeah. ahem. Sorry. So I was reading through the entire story all over again, because I honestly forgot everything I wrote, and I must admit, I messed up so bad in some areas. I made a major change to chapter 3, regarding Bella's mother, since what I had written didn't make sense with the whole timeline. And I was honestly confused myself as to what age she actually is. So here comes the new chapter. Brace yourselves. and dont forget to check out my new story..ies...stories...and review them, and please review this chapter.**

**Penny head and hyper-tits.**

**Chapter7.**

_**3rd persons pov**_

_Bella wasn't surprised when Gianna turned her around and punched her, she saw it coming, but she did nothing, she took the punch after punch that she received. She was lying on the floor with Gianna repeatedly punching her face, her lips were busted, her eyes were sore, and her nose was most probably broken, but she took it all; after what seemed like hours, but was 4 minutes, Gianna finally stopped, holding on to Bella's collar, she laid her head on her chest, as a sob broke out of her. She held on to Bella as she cried harder with each breath; _

_Bella Laid there, with pool of blood gathering in her mouth, she slowly held on to Gianna's head as she began to sit up. She winced in pain and she spat out the blood from her mouth. She sent a deadly glare to the crowd they had gathered and hissed;_

_"If you have any respect for yourselves and others, you all will leave right now." Soon the crowd dispersed, with only 3 people remaining beside the lockers. Gianna, Bella and Alice. Alice refused to leave, as she stared at those two girls in front of her; one bleeding but acting as if she didn't get brutally hit, and the other, sobbing as if she got brutally hit. She looked at both of them as she went towards the opposite side of the wall and sat down cross legged. Bella looked her,_

_"guess you have no respect. Please leave." Alice shook her head at her request, and replied softly;_

_"I would, but I won't. You saved my life, and now you're bleeding. I won't leave you until you're okay again, my step-dad's a doctor he could help you." Bella sighed in response, _

_"I don't know if you can see this, but we are in need of a private moment, thank you for your generous offer, but I hardly saved your life." Alice shook her head again,_

_"I'm going to stay right here, you guys can have your private moment, I won't listen I promise. If you hadn't come, I would have broken down." Bella stared at her for a second, then nodded her head. Looking back at Gianna, Bella smoothed out her hair, as she whispered;_

_"are you feeling better now?" Gianna let out a tearful chuckle as she replies,_

_"you're the one who's just got the shit beaten out of her, and you're asking me if I'm okay?" she lean back as she looks Bella in the eyes, "why didn't you stop me? why didn't you defend yourself? you and I both know you could've easily stopped me, why didnt you?" Bella shrugged her shoulder and answered,_

_"I didn't want to. You needed to let it out. Gianna, I'm not going to keep quiet anymore. I won't just sit around and do nothing. It's wrong. You and I both know it's wrong. My entire life, I've been told not to interfere, but I can't bear to see you go down like this. It's so wro-" _

_"please stop."_

_"I'm not going to. I'm going to tell my dad today. I will. I can't do this anymore."_

_"Please, you can't! you promised me you wouldn't! you can't do this to me!" Gianna whispered forcefully, Bella shook her head,_

_"And you can't remove your anger at others. This ends today. My dad can help you. He can make it go away. You're killing yourself."_

_"You don't understand! I don't expect you to, you're 14, you don't need all this, but I beg you to keep quiet. Please." Gianna pleaded as tears came pouring from her eyes. Bella was confused, she didn't know what to do. She didn't want this to go on anymore, but she couldn't betray the person sitting in front of her's trust._

_"Fine. I don't want to keep quiet anymore, but I will. For you. In one condition." Gianna looked at her and nervously motioned her to go on;_

_"No more bullying. You need to let it out, you come to me. You can hurt me, you can swear at me, do whatever you like. You can even talk to me. But if I ever see you bullying anyone else, I will tell my dad. And that's a promise." Gianna stared at her with wide eyes,_

_"why? why do you help me? why do you stand up for me when I'm nothing but a bitch to you?"_

_"because if I were in your place, I would have been worse." replied Bella as she stood up to leave, She turned her head towards Alice to find her staring at them, knowing full well that even though she promised she wouldn't listen, that she had heard it all. Bella didn't care though, she knew she would. But strangely she didn't mind. She got up and turned around to leave, halfway through the corridor she stopped and spoke loudly, "You coming Brandon?" _

_Hearing this, Alice's lips stretched into a wide smile, she scuffled to her feet and skipped towards Bella._

**Presently**. (2013)

**BPOV**

"For the last time, Brandon, I did not save your life. And I'm no hero, I'm Bella." I groan out to her, she frowns at me and crosses her arms,

"For the last time, Swan, You saved my life and you're my hero. Whether you like it or not." I glare at her as she glares back at me. She sure does know how to get on my nerves. I had the weirdest urge to just hit her...that or trap her in a glass jar. I was pretty sure she'd fit anyway. I don't know why. She hadn't even done anything other than call me her hero. So, me being me, I smack her forehead with my palm. yep. She just stands there with her head tilted backwards and her mouth slightly open; slowly she turns her head towards me, and the next thing I knew, I was enveloped in a tight hug.

"OH MY GOD, YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I MISSED THAT!" She squeals as she swings us both left and right. My arms were awkwardly trapped in her tight hold as I ask,

"you're hugging me just to piss me off, aren't you?" she laughs at that and replies,

"Well DUH! you smacked my forehead! It's the least I can do" Regardless of the fact that I was quite uncomfortable with the whole hug ordeal, I smile at her,

"well, uh, thanks...I guess." She releases me from her hug and looks up at me with a huge grin, she turns towards Angela and Jessica and hugs them too,

"I'm so glad you guys came! You have no idea how much this means to me!" Both of them grin at her as Jessica replies,

"Oh it's really no big deal. This place is great! really! so, why exactly is Bella your hero and how exactly did you meet?" she got right to the point. Alice shrugged her stories and waved her hand,

"eh, it's a long story for some other time." she looks at me from the corner of her eyes, and I give her a small smile, thanking her for not getting in to that right now.

"How've you been Bella? where have you been all these ye-" as Alice kept firing her questions at me, Jessica cut her mid question,

"Look, sorry for interrupting, can you guys talk another time? it's getting late, and we need to buy her a dress, she has a date and she-"

"I have a WHAT?" I ask calmly yet forcefully, she looks at me with wide eyes, and she looks at Angela,

"You didn't tell her yet?!" she whispers harshly as Angela shook her head visibly gulping,

"you go on dates now?" Alice questions me curiously as I glare at both Angela and Jessica;

"Apparently. What's going on?"

"listen. We just mean well for you, okay?you need to get laid, maybe the-"

"THEN WHAT? IS THIS SOME KIND OF A SICK JOKE? DOES WHAT I BELIEVE IN MEAN NOTHING TO YOU? I DON'T ASK MUCH BUT TO BE RESPECTED FOR MY BELIEFS AND YOU THINK IT'S A JOKE? BELIEVE IT OR NOT, BUT THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST GETTING LAID AND CHASING AFTER BOYS." I yell at them,

"Bella, we're sor-" I don't let Angela finish as I turn around and head towards the door,

"don't bother, I'm leaving, I'm done for the day. Don't bother calling me either." I hissed at them as I open the door to leave, I feel a little bad leaving Alice there like that, but whatever. I wasn't paying attention yet again to where I was going, as I smack against somebody chest; I was in no mood for apologizing so I just kept silent as I looked up to the victim of my clumsiness.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME? SERIOUSLY? WHY ARE YOU THERE WHERE EVER I GO? ARE YOU SOME TELEPATHIC PHYSIC TELEPORTING STALKER ? JUST AHHH" okay so I had lost it, I just screamed at my boss. Yes, it was none other than penny head. But what would you do? probably not go batshit crazy like I did, but hey, I was having a fudged up day.

"Are you oka-" Before he could complete his sentence I looked up at the sky and yelled out,

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?" oh yeah. I had lost it. My brain was currently looked up in a metal box, inside a massive truck made of fire, and was getting deported to Kardashian's house, to get it implanted in each of them, with Kanye West guarding it. It was that unreachable at the moment.

WIthout waiting there another second, I stomp towards the bus stop. I wasn't going to go home. I needed time to cool down, so I went to where I always go When I feel like shit.

**So does this make up for lost time?**


End file.
